I Think I Figured It Out

With the help of some very dear friends, I think I figured out something tonight.

I'm living with regret.

There, I said it. I regret marrying him. I absolutely, with 100% certainty, cannot regret being with him. Without him, there would be no Jack...and without Jack, my life would be incomplete.

I've been struggling lately to completely let people in to my life and, for the life of me, couldn't figure out why. It's because I was married to someone who was controlling. Someone who never wanted me to have a life of my own. Someone that truly just wanted a maid instead of a wife. Someone who didn't appreciate me for who I was and the things I did for him. Now that I am away from that, it's hard to see that someone truly wants to help me, wants to be there for me and wants to take care of me...without asking for anything in return. It probably sounds so stupid to some of you, but it is a hard adjustment for me. Now that I know why I was struggling so bad but, you know what, I've got this!

I have been blessed with amazing people in my life. I truly have. And I'm realizing that I'm not allowing myself to be truly happy. I'm focusing on the things that I did wrong and the things I that I failed at, rather than focusing on the amazing things that are right in front of me. RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME...there's this wonderful opportunity to be happy. To be amazingly happy. To be loved. Yes, LOVED. That, my friends, is amazing.

It's going to allow me to be with man who loves me for me and to be thankful for the things that he does for me. It's going to allow me to let him completely into my life. It's going to make me never again look back and regret anything. It's going to make me a stronger person. It's going to make me a better mother. It's going to make me never, ever take the amazing things that I've been handed for granted.

And you know what? I feel this amazing weight off my shoulders already. I really feel like I just shrugged off like 100 pounds...and I'm ready to take on the world. And ready to be 100% completely and truly happy.

"According to him...I'm beautiful, incredible, he can't get me out of his head. According to him...I'm funny, irresistible, everything he ever wanted."